Mama Always Comes Back

AJ has been going through an insecure/clingy phase of late. It’s not that she has a problem leaving me so much as gluing herself to me and whining when I’m back. She was fine staying at the seminary for “Parents’ Night Out” (or as we call it, “Glory Hallelujah”). But I went to the library to work for a whole five hours on Saturday, for example, and when I came back she glued herself to me and threw “Mama do it!” temper tantrums if Aaron attempted to help her with anything. Then Sunday she was fine going in nursery and running all over the church afterwards without us. But despite me spending all day playing with her, the writing of this post was interrupted because Mommy had to put her pajamas on her (I did cut a deal that Daddy would read the stories).

I’ve also been noticing quite a bit of play acting with little Fisher Price people and animals involving babies/children/animals crying for their mommies. So yesterday I started not only having the mommy come but telling her mama always comes. I talked to her about how when she goes away, like to Grandma’s, or I go to work, she might miss me, but I always come back. And so it’s okay to miss me but it’s also okay to enjoy going or playing with someone else because she can know that I’ll come back and spend time with her later.

At bedtime she said unprompted, “Mama comes back.”

I guess that connected, so I’ve kept it up today. “You can go to Grandma’s tomorrow and play, and then the next day I’ll come get you. Do I always come back? Yes, I always come back.”

We have been talking more about adoption lately just by virtue of her birthday coming up and friends having babies and her interest in how she came on a plane (we got I Love You Like Crazy Cakes from the library too). I’ve also been busy with work, trying (semi-successfully) to get hours in, and had a friend babysit when my mom was gone for a week. Some disturbed routines and extra busyness.

But who knows if anything has anything to do with anything else, for who can know the mind of the toddler? (Pretty sure that’s in the Bible.) Could be just a phase, like kids have and she’s had before. It’s just tough because she’s overall so fearless and loves her dad so much (and I so love the breaks he gives me!). But for whatever reason she seems to need more of me right now. I’m just trying to play Fisher Price Sesame Street on the floor as much as my body and brain can handle and not think what would happen if I ever get a “real job.” I think I would have to coat myself with Teflon to get out the door.

And I’ll just keep telling her, Mama always comes back.

5 thoughts on “Mama Always Comes Back

  1. Roman had this phase as well. He still gets this way often, favors one parent over the other for everything. We just know that for his little brain, whether because he was adopted or not, he is just very needy and we give what we can.

  2. If it’s not in the bible, it should be!! LOL

    I get a lot of “mama do it!” too – but less often perhaps, as there is rarely an option for anyone BUT mama to do it. :-) I like the idea of reassuring our littles that “mama always comes back” – I’m going to steal that, if you don’t mind. :-)

  3. I do think that some of it is just kids. My 11-year-old niece still can’t stay home alone, because she’s certain her mom will never return. Each of my girls has also gone through a teflon phase–usually to Mommy–that is annoying and concerning. It is best to reassure them, and I like your idea of showing it through play. You’re a smart Mama! :)

  4. It is annoying, but I am also sure it will pass since, well, she’s not always like this–but it had better pass before 11, good lord!

    And oh, HabeshaChild, before you know it your help won’t be needed for ANYTHING. “Mama do it” so quickly turns to “Me do it! Mama no help!”

  5. Just a couple of thoughts—you are right on that children go thru phases and certainly develop a preference for mama if they see her the most. Children also study us as parents to learn where is our “achilles heal” ie how can I get the most attention. AJ is a master as she is so keenly aware of relationships. She may have found that it works to get more time from you by fussing. She may need the same little calm lesson about ‘mama comes back’ ie that daddy can do it too.
    Who knows exactly?!! She’s 3 & part toddler, part pre-school, part adult!!

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